How To Set Boundaries
(Without Feeling Like a D*ck)
This isn’t just about learning how to say no. It’s about finally learning how to say yes—to YOU.
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“A people-pleaser’s guide to speaking your truth and taking back your time and energy—without guilt or drama.”
Welcome fellow 'Nice' person
Welcome—and congratulations. Whether you know it or not, you have just taken the first step toward showing up more fully and setting better boundaries in your life. I believe books have a way of landing in the right hands at the right time. So if you are here, reading these words, that means you are ready for something different.
Maybe it was simple curiosity. Maybe it was a gentle nudge from your intuition. Maybe you followed a trail of breadcrumbs down a good old-fashioned Google rabbit hole.
Whatever path brought you here—you are here. And I believe that means something.
Ready to get your boundary journey started? Grab your copy and let's begin. ✨
Available at: 🇨🇦 Amazon.ca | 🇺🇸 Amazon.com
Available at: 🇨🇦 Amazon.ca | 🇺🇸 Amazon.com
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Who this book is for:
🌼 This book is for the ones who want to speak up—but don't know how, or where to start.
🌼 For the ones who don't t want to feel like they have to get loud and angry just to be heard or get their needs met.
🌼 For the ones who have been taught that being a good person means giving up all of who they are to make other people happy.
If you feel like you've spent so long hiding in the background that you've forgotten what it feels like to take up space in your own life—this book is for you.
Order your copy and claim your free gifts!
Step 1: Grab Your Copy
Grab your copy in paperback, ebook, or hardcover. Available at Amazon.com or Amazon.ca |
Step 2: Claim Your Gifts
Register to get your workbook + guided meditation delivered to your inbox in 24 hours! Need support? Email me ✉️ |
What you'll learn:
🌼 How to Speak Up Without the Spiral
Get a simple 3-step formula to say what you need—clearly, calmly, and in just one sentence. No overexplaining. No second-guessing. No unnecessary drama.
🌼 How to Use Your Emotions (Instead of Stuffing Them Down)
Learn how to work with your emotions instead of fighting them. Understand what they’re telling you, how to respond to them, and how to stop feeling ashamed for having them.
🌼 How to Figure Out What You Actually Need
If you've spent most of your life focused on other people, identifying your own needs can feel foreign. This book will help you reconnect with what matters to you and build boundaries around that.
🌼 How to Handle Hard Conversations Without Losing Your Cool
You don’t have to avoid tough talks—or bulldoze your way through them. You’ll learn how to stay grounded, clear, and kind, even when the conversation gets uncomfortable.
🌼 How to Protect Your Energy Without Guilt
Stop giving from an empty tank. Learn how to say no, create space, and build in recovery time so you can show up in your life without running yourself into the ground.
🌼 How to Understand and Use Your Anger
Anger is information. Learn how to recognize what your anger is pointing to, and how to respond in ways that are constructive, not explosive.
🌼 How to Stop Being “Nice” and Start Being Real
People-pleasing might feel safe, but it’s costing you. This book will help you stop shrinking yourself to keep others comfortable and start building a life that actually fits YOU.
Ready to stop second-guessing yourself and start setting boundaries that actually feel good and stick? Order your copy today.
Buy now on: 🇨🇦 Amazon.ca | 🇺🇸 Amazon.com
Buy now on: 🇨🇦 Amazon.ca | 🇺🇸 Amazon.com
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“Life changing! This is more than just a book—it’s a map for building mental health, emotional resilience and lasting self-trust.”
🔎 Click images to enlarge
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Signs You Need Better BoundariesStill on the fence about whether or not you actually need better boundaries in your life?
Here are some signs that the boundaries you have are no longer working for you: 💬 You say “Yes” even when every part of you wants to say “No.” 💬 You feel responsible for everyone else’s happiness. 💬 You hold back your truth to avoid conflict or disappointing people. 💬 You constantly apologize, even when you’ve done nothing wrong. 💬 You feel guilty taking time for yourself. Your voice matters. Your needs matter. You matter.
Ready to get your boundary journey started? Grab your copy and let's begin. ✨ Available at: 🇨🇦 Amazon.ca | 🇺🇸 Amazon.com |
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“A thought-provoking and engaging read that will keep you hooked from beginning to end.”
What people are saying about the book
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"I absolutely loved reading How to Set Boundaries (Without Feeling Like a D*ck). Jen Febel has a beautiful way with language and a grounded wisdom that makes the importance of boundaries feel both empowering and practical."
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"The exercises are simple, accessible, and easy to work through at your own pace. I found myself using some of the tools almost immediately—and it felt so good to care about the people around me without feeling like I had to fix everything."
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"This book helped me realize that my happiness and well-being matter too."
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"I loved the focus on creating a kinder, more empowering inner dialogue and how boundaries aren't just about other people."
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“A people-pleaser’s guide to taking back your time, energy, and voice—without guilt or drama.”
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"This is a self-help workbook written in a way that’s clear, relatable, and easy to follow. It’s a practical, down-to-earth tool for anyone looking to support their emotional well-being—and absolutely worth the purchase."
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"Jen (Febel) breaks it down in a way that’s clear, relatable, and easy to understand. She not only explains why boundaries matter in our relationships, but also walks you through thoughtful exercises to help you get to know yourself better. That self-awareness makes it so much easier to set boundaries that actually work."
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"This book is a staple on my bookshelf and I find myself coming back to it over and over and over again!"
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Why I Wrote This Book
I want to change the conversation around boundaries. Too many of us have been taught that boundaries are just about saying no, drawing lines in the sand, or protecting ourselves from toxic people. And while that can be part of it—boundaries are so much more than that. Boundaries are how you come to know what is yours—and what is not. They help you understand what belongs to you emotionally, mentally, and energetically, and what you can lovingly let go of. |
Boundaries are what define your space, your identity, and your place in the world.
Reducing the profound, transformational power of boundaries to “just saying no” misses out on the deeper healing that becomes possible when you stop people-pleasing and trying to be ‘Nice’, and instead learn to cultivate an embodied awareness of Who You Are, what you carry, and what is not yours to hold.
It took me years to realize that boundaries are not about controlling other people or how they should treat you. They are about reclaiming your sense of self and rewriting the stories you were told about who you are allowed to be.
So why did I write this book?
✅ I wrote it for the ones who are tired of second-guessing themselves every time they speak up
✅ I wrote it for the ones who want to set limits without the guilt hangover
✅ I wrote it for the ones who are ready to stop shrinking and start showing up fully
Reducing the profound, transformational power of boundaries to “just saying no” misses out on the deeper healing that becomes possible when you stop people-pleasing and trying to be ‘Nice’, and instead learn to cultivate an embodied awareness of Who You Are, what you carry, and what is not yours to hold.
It took me years to realize that boundaries are not about controlling other people or how they should treat you. They are about reclaiming your sense of self and rewriting the stories you were told about who you are allowed to be.
So why did I write this book?
✅ I wrote it for the ones who are tired of second-guessing themselves every time they speak up
✅ I wrote it for the ones who want to set limits without the guilt hangover
✅ I wrote it for the ones who are ready to stop shrinking and start showing up fully
Learning to say 'no' is just the beginning...
❌ No more people-pleasing.
❌ No more resentment.
❌ No more being 'Nice' just to keep the peace.
❌ No more resentment.
❌ No more being 'Nice' just to keep the peace.
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As Seen & Heard On: |
*** Take a Sneak Peek Inside ***
Chapter One: Moving Beyond Niceness
Let’s start at the very beginning (a very good place to start!) and begin by asking a simple question: how ‘Nice’ are you?
If your ultimate goal is to master the art of boundaries and become a true boundary-setting warrior, then the first step is to recognize how being overly ‘Nice’ and habitually putting others’ needs ahead of your own can quietly erase you from your life.
In this chapter, my goal is to show you why offering genuine compassion, rather than relying on relentless people-pleasing, is the key to a better and more balanced way of living.
The Problem with Being Nice
If you’re anything like me, you are probably wondering, what’s so wrong with being ‘Nice’? I mean, isn’t that what we’re supposed to be? From a very young age, we’re told by parents, teachers, and everyone around us to Be nice, Play nice, That’s not nice, and Ask nicely. We’re taught that being ‘Nice’ is the key to being liked, accepted, and valued in society. So, isn’t being ‘Nice’ the ultimate goal?
Well, not really.
You see, being ‘Nice’ requires you to put other people first—to always be available for their wants, needs, and desires. And that’s great! For them. But when we spend so much of our time focusing on what other people want and need, it’s really easy to completely forget about ourselves in the mix.
And that’s a problem.
As someone who considers herself a highly sensitive and naturally empathetic person, I know how easy it is to get caught up in taking care of others. I have a deep capacity to sense the emotions and needs of those around me, and I genuinely love offering support wherever I can. It feels good to be there for others—to help, to listen, to comfort. It’s a beautiful gift, and I’m grateful for it. But here’s what I’ve learned: even the most empathetic heart needs boundaries, and if I’m going to use my empathy as a superpower, I need to make sure I’m just as attuned to my own needs as I am to everyone else’s, don’t you think?
And see, that’s the rub. That’s the problem with being ‘Nice’ and having no boundaries: it ultimately requires you to abandon your wants and needs in servitude to the wants and needs of other people. It makes you super cool and chill to be around, and it will slowly erode your sense of self until you have nothing left to give.
Ouch.
The alternative, and what I hope to show you throughout this book, is how to be compassionate instead. How to use your knowledge of Who You Are to show up more authentically, love more deeply, and share more vulnerably.
You see, being ‘Nice’ is, well, nice. But being compassionate leaves space for you to exist as well.
And that’s always better.
So, why should you listen to me – what makes me an expert on boundaries? The truth is, I learned how to navigate my way through the choppy waters of healthy communication and boundaries by sheer necessity and desperation. Growing up, I was taught that emotions were silly. That talking about your feelings was just bullshit psychobabble and that the only good and acceptable emotions were happiness and laughter—which means I learned to laugh a lot and am pretty damned funny if I do say so myself.
Growing up, I was taught that love—LOVE—meant never being angry or upset, always giving the other person the benefit of the doubt, and being willing to give in to keep the peace no matter what the personal cost or sacrifice. And so, I learned to stuff my emotions down. To turn them off and rationalize them away. To hide them from myself and others.
In other words, I learned to be ‘Nice.’ Which is kind of the default in society, isn’t it?
Let’s be honest, many of the significant dogmatic themes of this historical period revere the philosophy of martyrs—the idea of sacrificing yourself for some greater good, of suffering now for rewards later.
This is all well and good, but spoiler alert: the martyr dies in the end.
Yikes.
And I get it because this is what I was taught, too, and as a result, I never really learned to trust myself. I think I feared that if I allowed myself to open up, even just a crack, like Pandora’s box, everything would come tumbling out, and I would be suffocated and consumed by a tsunami of emotions.
So, I learned to ignore my feelings; to push them down, and rely purely on my logic and rationale to get me through.
And it totally worked! Until it didn’t.
Because here’s what I’ve learned about our emotions: the more we try to ignore them, the more stuck we get because they never really go away, do they? They just go into hiding.
They go underground.
Have you ever walked into a room after an argument or conflict and sensed that something was off? Like, a visceral or noticeable tension in the air? I call it Pissed Mist. There’s a residue that strong emotions leave behind and, when they are not acknowledged, this energy begins to infect everything.
And it will eventually start to consume you.
That’s what happened to me.
My Story: From Broken to Unbreakable
By the age of two, I was already learning how to be codependent and give up my own needs and opinions to please others. By the age of 5, I was starting to show symptoms of severe anxiety and self-injury. But it wasn’t until I was 19 that things got really bad for me, and that’s when I received my official diagnosis:
- Anorexia
- Bulimia
- Major Depressive Disorder
- Generalized Anxiety Disorder
- Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
- Suicidal Ideation
- Self-harm (which means, yes, there are scars on my body that I put there).
Every doctor I saw and every specialist I consulted all agreed: I was broken. And, in many ways, they were right. Because when a lot of very smart people, with a lot of impressive degrees on the wall and letters after their names, tell you you’re broken, how long until you begin to believe them?
Growing up, I don’t remember feeling broken. In fact, I had what I thought was a relatively normal childhood. From the outside, my family appeared affectionate and united—albeit with a touch of eccentricity. But as time passed, I began to notice inconsistencies that puzzled and confused me. Feelings that didn’t make sense, fears that had no basis.
Or so I thought.
As a child, I could sense something was off about my family, but I could never quite put my finger on it. As an adult, I learned that my mother lived with a personality disorder, which made emotional resilience and genuine connection exceptionally difficult for her. Despite her struggles, she still longed for the closeness and family she didn’t have growing up. While she did her best, much of the time her best was chaotic and sometimes downright scary. It could be fun and crazy, but it was also terribly confusing and lacked the kind of stability a young child needs to feel safe and loved.
And so, I began to break.
A lot of people think eating disorders are about weight or getting attention and, while this certainly plays a part, consider this: a person with anorexia uses their conscious willpower to override their body’s own built-in self-preservation mechanism. It is a slow suicide, a death by a thousand paper cuts. It is about fear and control; it is about self-loathing and shame. Anorexia is born of a profound and persistent desire to destroy and obliterate the self. To disappear from existence—literally. Trust me when I tell you that the level of pain and shame required to starve yourself is not the result of not having a flat tummy or wanting to be a size 2. It comes from a much deeper, much darker place.
I know. I’ve been there.
With each passing day, the pressure continued to build until the pain became unbearable and the fear began to consume me. I finally broke down. And that’s when we decided it was time for me to go to the hospital.
Those moments in the hospital come to me in spurts and flashes, movies of a lifetime that seem so foreign and long ago. But still, some memories remain. I remember sitting under one of those old TVs they used to have screwed into a corner on the wall (these were the days before flat screens and smartphones), and I remember wishing it would fall on me so the pain would stop. I remember meeting with the on-call psychologist, a scrawny little guy with wire-rimmed glasses and a bowtie. I remember the scratchy feel of the hospital gown against my skin and how I liked it and found it comforting. I remember my dad going to a local donut shop at 3 a.m. and bringing back a batch of fresh-from-the-oven cheddar biscuits.
And I remember Dwayne, an incredible soul who was part of the hospital’s Crisis Team (a team I would meet many more times over the coming years). He was the first person to acknowledge me.
To notice me, not just my pain.
He was the first person who told me I was not broken, but it would take another decade of pain and darkness to fully understand his message.
It wasn’t until I learned about a beautiful Japanese art form called Kintsukuroi that things began to click into place for me.
Unbroken: Stronger Than Before
Kintsukuroi (keen-tsoo-koo-roy), which translates to ‘heal or repair with gold,’ is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery pieces with molten gold or silver, in essence highlighting the scars of the break. Rather than attempt to hide the injury or pretend it never happened, it was understood that the piece was more beautiful for having been broken and healed. These newly repaired pieces still held the essence of the original, but with something new added. While they weren't whole in the same way as before, they were no longer broken either.
They were, what I call Unbroken—stronger than before.
The ancient practice of Kintsukuroi taught me that our scars aren’t something to hide, but rather something to embrace as they are proof of our resilience and ability to rebuild and grow stronger. Just as a broken bone cannot break in the same way again, these repaired pottery pieces become more valuable and stronger with their unique golden seams. Similarly, as we heal, we too become stronger and more capable through the challenges we’ve overcome.
In 2010, I walked away from my eating disorder and began my journey back to health. And it all started when I stopped being ‘Nice’ and embraced a new way of showing up.
It all started with boundaries.
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“This is the book I didn't realize I needed until it was gifted to me. Now I wonder how I managed so long without it.”
Quiz: Just How Nice Are You
It’s time to find out just how ‘Nice’ you really are. Are you at a healthy level of ‘Nice’, or are you on the brink of a full-scale, nuclear ‘Nice’ meltdown of epic proportions?
Complete the quiz below to find out!
Step One: For each of the questions below, answer with either Yes or No
Step Two: Add up the total number of Yeses
0-5: You are definitely Nice, but it is probably still manageable. You likely feel a wide range of emotions and are decent at speaking up and getting your needs met. For you, this book will introduce you to tools to help prevent you from wandering down that dark road of severe Niceness. And you may just gain some new perspectives on yourself or someone else in your life.
6-10: You are teetering between being a healthy level of Nice and wandering into the world of Too Nice. This is a caution zone where you need to be alert to any indications of getting too comfortable putting yourself last. For you, this book will help keep you from falling over the edge and give you ways to identify if, and when, it is time to bring in extra reinforcements.
11-15: You are really Nice and likely pride yourself on being this way. You likely feel it is your duty to sacrifice for the people you love and possibly struggle with knowing where to begin when setting healthy boundaries without feeling overwhelming guilt. For you, this book will serve as an essential step on your journey to healing your relationship with YOU and will open up new perspectives on how to offer kindness without sacrificing your needs.
16-21: Warning! Warning! We have a toxically Nice person! Chances are you are either walking around secretly, seething mad all the time, or you have so skillfully removed anger from your world that you may barely feel anger at all. If you can’t remember the last time you got good and pissed off—welcome. I am so glad you are here because this book is your wake-up call and your path back to a life filled with all the richness and joys of connection
It’s time to find out just how ‘Nice’ you really are. Are you at a healthy level of ‘Nice’, or are you on the brink of a full-scale, nuclear ‘Nice’ meltdown of epic proportions?
Complete the quiz below to find out!
Step One: For each of the questions below, answer with either Yes or No
- Do you consider yourself 'Nice'?
- Are you great at putting everyone else’s needs first but forget about yourself in the mix?
- Have you ever wondered, “If I’m taking care of everyone else—who is taking care of me?”
- Are you always willing to lend a helping hand to others while your projects are left untouched?
- Do people describe you as a “go-to” person or the one with all the answers?
- Do you feel like you are being taken advantage of or are too understanding for your own good?
- Do you like feeling needed?
- Do you find yourself constantly apologizing and justifying yourself?
- Do you find yourself agreeing with or saying yes when you don’t want to and then feeling resentful afterward?
- Are you great at avoiding confrontation—at all costs?
- Do you consider yourself ‘easygoing’ and often think it’s not worth speaking up and ‘rocking the boat’?
- Do you struggle with feelings of depression, anxiety, or overwhelm regularly?
- Do you often volunteer to help with tasks or responsibilities, even when overwhelmed?
- Do you have difficulty saying 'no' to requests, even when you lack time or energy?
- Do you prioritize others' happiness and comfort over your own?
- Do you feel guilty when taking time for yourself or prioritizing your needs?
- Do you frequently ignore or suppress your emotions to avoid conflict or discomfort?
- Do you often feel drained or exhausted after social interactions or helping others?
- Do you struggle to stand up for yourself and communicate your needs?
- Do you feel responsible for solving other people's problems or fixing their issues?
- Do you have difficulty asking for help or support when you need it?
Step Two: Add up the total number of Yeses
0-5: You are definitely Nice, but it is probably still manageable. You likely feel a wide range of emotions and are decent at speaking up and getting your needs met. For you, this book will introduce you to tools to help prevent you from wandering down that dark road of severe Niceness. And you may just gain some new perspectives on yourself or someone else in your life.
6-10: You are teetering between being a healthy level of Nice and wandering into the world of Too Nice. This is a caution zone where you need to be alert to any indications of getting too comfortable putting yourself last. For you, this book will help keep you from falling over the edge and give you ways to identify if, and when, it is time to bring in extra reinforcements.
11-15: You are really Nice and likely pride yourself on being this way. You likely feel it is your duty to sacrifice for the people you love and possibly struggle with knowing where to begin when setting healthy boundaries without feeling overwhelming guilt. For you, this book will serve as an essential step on your journey to healing your relationship with YOU and will open up new perspectives on how to offer kindness without sacrificing your needs.
16-21: Warning! Warning! We have a toxically Nice person! Chances are you are either walking around secretly, seething mad all the time, or you have so skillfully removed anger from your world that you may barely feel anger at all. If you can’t remember the last time you got good and pissed off—welcome. I am so glad you are here because this book is your wake-up call and your path back to a life filled with all the richness and joys of connection
Grab your copy today!
'How To Set Boundaries (Without Feeling Like a D*ck) by Jennifer Febel is available on:
🇨🇦 Amazon.ca | 🇺🇸 Amazon.com
🇨🇦 Amazon.ca | 🇺🇸 Amazon.com