General Guidelines for Boundaries

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​This is an excerpt from my book, How To Set Boundaries (Without Feeling Like a D*ck)—a guide for anyone ready to speak up, honour their needs, and feel more grounded in their relationships.

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As embark on your boundary-setting journey, I want to share some general guidelines to help lay the groundwork for the deeper work ahead. These principles will provide a solid foundation and ensure you have the tools and mindset needed to create boundaries that truly reflect Who You Are.

Your Feelings Are Clues: Emotions like anger, rage, hurt, complaints, or feeling threatened, suffocated, or victimized can reveal areas in your life where healthier boundaries are needed. Anywhere you are feeling these emotions—pay attention. That’s where you need some better boundaries.

Embrace The Discomfort: When you first start to share your boundaries, you may feel weird, awkward, or unsure—and that’s totally okay! These emotions are just your unconscious mind’s way of letting you know that you are stepping outside your comfort zone and doing something new—which is a good thing, even if it feels a little strange.

Prioritize Your Needs: You cannot simultaneously set boundaries with someone and take care of their feelings. This is the one that keeps a lot of us stuck because we want to control how others feel and what is happening inside their circle. When you set a boundary, the other person may feel hurt, angry, or disappointed—and that’s totally okay.

Remember, speaking up will likely require the other person to adjust their boundaries and move outside their comfort zone too.

Protect Your Privacy: No one can demand to know your thoughts or private business. Share what feels right to you, not what others expect. This is a big one for many of us who feel the need to unload every thought and emotion onto others in order to feel close to them.

Remember: you can be authentic and still have discernment and discretion.

Honor Your Individuality: Nobody has the right to tell you what to think, feel, or do—you have a right to your thoughts, feelings, values, and beliefs. Anything within your circle is yours and yours alone. Other people not liking or agreeing with it does not make it any less yours or valid.

Be Authentically You: You have the right to be Who You Are and live your life on your terms—as long as you do so with compassion and respect for others. Let go of guilt for not meeting others' expectations. Just as you can’t control the circles’ of other people, they can’t control yours.

Accept Your Imperfections: You have the right to your imperfections and shortcomings without guilt. You are allowed to be human and perfection is never the goal.

Accept Yourself: Who You Are is entirely acceptable, just as you are now with whatever sensations, thoughts, and feelings you are experiencing.

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📚 If you enjoyed this excerpt from my book and want to go deeper, How To Set Boundaries (Without Feeling Like a D*ck) is now available on Amazon, Indigo, Barnes & Noble, and as an audiobook on all your favourite platforms 🎧