When my husband is traveling and my mother-in-law is off pet-sitting, I can end up with a rare few days with the house all to myself which you might think would mean life gets quieter.

You clearly haven't met me 🙃

For some reason, whenever I find myself with the house to myself, I suddenly become convinced that this is the perfect opportunity to tackle every little thing I've been meaning to get to for weeks.

Dropping off Amazon returns at the post office
Breaking down cardboard and taking it to the dump
Hanging up solar lights along the side of the house
Fixing up and staining all the little notches and scratches in the hardwood floor
Cleaning the outside of the house

And that's just what I did the first day! 😂

The funny thing is, I actually started the day with a plan. I was going to take it easy. No rushing. No marathon productivity. Just slow, steady, consistent progress because, after all, I had the whole week. There was no hurry.

And yet somehow one task became another, which became another, which became another, and before I knew it I glanced at the clock and realized it was after eight o'clock at night. I hadn't really sat down for hours. I'd barely touched my water bottle. I'd forgotten to eat.

Oops.

It wasn't until I sat down with my journal that evening and started writing out everything I'd accomplished that I realized just how ridiculously long the list actually was.

Apparently my definition of "taking it easy" needs a little work 😊 But it did make me realize something profound:

Our minds measure tasks while our bodies measure the actual effort.

And those are two very different ways of experiencing the exact same day.

Mentally, every task felt small. Physically, my body had been in motion for eight hours. My brain kept saying, "It's just one more thing," while my body had been whispering for quite a while that maybe one more thing was enough.

I just wasn't listening.

One of the things I have learned over the years is that emotional resilience isn't just about learning to regulate your emotions. It's about learning to listen to all of yourself.

Your mind has a voice.
Your emotions have a voice.
Your body has a voice.

The mind is wonderfully optimistic. It thinks we are invincible. It believes we can squeeze twelve hours into eight and somehow still have enough energy left over to reorganize the pantry before bed.

Our emotions can be just as persuasive. Depending on the day, they may tell us everything is amazing or convince us we are failing at life before we've even had breakfast.

Your body, on the other hand, is way less dramatic. It simply tells you what is.

"I'm thirsty."
"I'm tired."
"I need protein."
"I need to sit down for ten minutes."
"I could keep going... but I'd rather not."

And better I get at paying attention to what it is saying, the more I am realizing that consistency isn't really about forcing myself to do more. It's about creating a rhythm my nervous system can actually trust.

When I eat consistently...
When I sleep consistently...
When I move consistently...
When I rest consistently...

...my nervous system can begin to settle because it knows that I am paying attention. That I am listening.

That I am someone it can rely on.

Maybe consistency isn't another thing to add to the to-do list. Maybe it's simply a relationship built through hundreds of tiny decisions that quietly say to your nervous system, "Hey, I've got you."

And perhaps that is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves. To become someone our own nervous system can count on.

Have you ever walked away from a conversation thinking, "That's not what I meant," or "How did they completely misunderstand me?"

Most of us have.

The funny thing is, we usually assume the problem was our choice of words. We replay the conversation in our heads, wondering what we should have said differently or how we could have explained ourselves better. But what if the problem was not what we said at all? What if the real issue was that we were speaking... but we were not actually communicating?

Most of us think those two words mean the same thing.

But they don't...

Speaking and communicating are two very different skills, and understanding the difference has the potential to completely transform your relationships.

Speaking is simply saying words. It is expressing what is inside of you, sharing your thoughts, your opinions, your needs, and your perspective. Most of us know how to speak because we have been doing it our entire lives.

Communication, on the other hand, is something much bigger. Communication is taking what is inside of you and delivering it in a way that can actually be received by another human being. It is creating understanding. It is closing the gap between what you intended to say and what the other person actually heard.

That is a very different skill.

The challenge is that most of us were never taught it. Instead, we often approach communication like it is a fifty-fifty equation.

I am responsible for saying what I mean. You are responsible for understanding me. If you misunderstand me? Not my problem. If I misunderstand you? Not your problem.

Maybe we connect. Maybe we don't.

And if we don't, we often tell ourselves a story that we are simply too different, that we are incompatible, or that we will never see eye to eye.

But what if that is not true?

What if most conflict is not created by bad people, but by unskilled communicators?

Think about how many arguments you have had where, by the end of the conversation, you realized you were both trying to say essentially the same thing. You were simply using different words, different experiences, different emotional filters, and different meanings.

Two good people, each trying to be heard, yet somehow missing each other entirely.

When we focus only on speaking, we are concerned primarily with what we want to say. We organize our thoughts, choose our words, and hope the other person understands.

When we focus on communicating, something changes. We also take responsibility for how our message is received, not by abandoning ourselves, not by becoming people pleasers, and not by sacrificing healthy boundaries or changing who we are just to keep someone else comfortable, but by becoming intentional, by becoming curious, and by caring just as much about understanding as we do about being understood.

That is where real communication begins.

Communication is not about winning an argument. It is not about proving you are right. It is not about saying the perfect thing.

It is about creating connection 🔗

Sometimes that means asking another question instead of making another point. Sometimes it means changing your wording because the person in front of you processes information differently than you do. Sometimes it means slowing down long enough to realize you are both describing the same experience from different perspectives, and that you may actually be saying far more of the same thing than either of you realizes.

Communication is a skill.

And like any skill, it can be learned.

The beautiful thing is that when you become a better communicator, every relationship in your life begins to change.

Your conversations become less reactive and more intentional, conflict becomes an opportunity for understanding instead of something to fear, feedback feels less threatening, and people begin to feel genuinely seen, heard, understood, and respected in your presence.

Perhaps the greatest gift of all is that you begin to feel those things too.

Because communication is not just about helping other people understand you. It is also about learning how to understand YOU.

The more intentional you become with your words, the more aware you become of your thoughts, your emotions, your assumptions, and the stories you have been telling yourself all along.

Maybe that is one of the life skills we should have been taught all along.

That is exactly why I created my Life Mastery Experience program—to teach the skills most of us were never taught growing up, from emotional resilience and communication to boundaries, emotional regulation, relationships, and personal responsibility.

Because when you learn these skills, you do not just improve your conversations, you change the way you experience life.

If you are ready to stop simply speaking and start truly communicating, I would be honoured to walk that journey with you 💛

​Click here to learn more. 

I hate the idea of safe spaces.

There. I said it.

It's an unpopular opinion, I know — especially in an age where we sometimes mistake comfort for emotional safety. But hear me out...

I do not hate safe spaces because I do not believe in inclusion, or because I do not think people deserve kindness, respect, or compassion. And certainly not because I think people should ever be exposed to abuse or harm.

Quite the opposite, actually.

I hate the idea of safe spaces because I think we have confused external comfort with genuine emotional safety.

And those are not the same thing...

Somewhere along the way, many of us began believing that if we could just create the perfect environment — one where everyone agrees with us, understands us, validates us, and never says anything triggering — then we would finally feel safe.

But if your emotional safety depends entirely on the people around you, then you have handed your safety over to them.

You have given your power away.

By making your sense of peace dependent on your partner, your children, your boss, your coworkers, your friends, or even complete strangers on the internet, you have created a trap for yourself — a private prison where your sense of safety depends on everyone else behaving the way you need them to.

Oops.

And that is an impossible way to live...

The reality is that people are messy. People misunderstand, people project, people disappoint us, people say insensitive things, and people have different values, different beliefs, different personalities, and different ways of seeing the world. 🌎

If the only place you can feel emotionally safe is in a room full of people who think like you, speak like you, believe what you believe, and never challenge your perspective, then your safety is incredibly fragile.

Real safety has to be stronger than that.

Lasting emotional safety is not an outside job. It is an inside job. It is learning how to create safety within yourself regardless of what is happening around you.

That is what emotional resilience is all about 🌿

That does not mean tolerating abuse. It does not mean staying in toxic relationships. And it certainly does not mean allowing people to mistreat you. Healthy boundaries still matter. Removing yourself from genuinely unsafe situations still matters.

But emotional resilience means that even when someone says something that triggers you, even when someone criticizes you, even when someone misunderstands you, or even when someone does not like you — you know how to stay connected to yourself.

When you know who you are, your values, and your truth, someone else's opinion can no longer define your reality.

That is real safety 💪🏻

And here is how you know the Universe has a sense of humour:

Healing—true, deep, lasting healing—rarely feels safe. In fact, healing often feels terrifying and profoundly uncomfortable.

Ask anyone who has done deep healing and they will tell you that growth often asks us to move through discomfort before we find peace.

Because facing the parts of yourself you have spent years avoiding does not feel comfortable. Having difficult conversations does not feel comfortable. Setting boundaries does not feel comfortable. Looking honestly at your own patterns does not feel comfortable.

Growth asks us to step into uncertainty, and healing asks us to walk directly toward the things we have spent years trying to avoid.

If our goal is to never feel uncomfortable, we will unintentionally avoid the very experiences that help us grow.

And see, that's the trap. That's what can keep us stuck for years....

I mean, sure, comfort does have its place. We all need people who love us, we all need communities where we feel accepted, and we all need places where we can exhale. Those spaces matter.

Find your people. Find communities where you feel seen. Find relationships that remind you that you are worthy exactly as you are.

But never stop there.

Also seek out experiences that stretch you, conversations that challenge your thinking, people who see the world differently than you do, ideas that make you question your assumptions, and moments that ask you to become a little more courageous than you were yesterday.

Because healing does not happen inside comfortable containers. It happens when we are willing to be uncomfortable — without abandoning ourselves.

The goal is not to eliminate discomfort. The goal is to become the kind of person who can move through discomfort without losing yourself.

That is the difference. 

That is emotional resilience. 💪🏻

It is knowing that no matter who stands in front of you, no matter what they believe, and no matter what they say about you, you can remain grounded — physically, mentally, emotionally, and energetically — because your safety no longer depends on controlling the world around you.

It comes from knowing yourself deeply enough that the world can no longer define you.

And from that place, you become truly free.

That is the kind of safety I want for all of us. The kind that no one can take away.

The kind that allows you to shine your light so bright that you ignite the light in others. ✨
​

I talk a lot about emotional resilience.

It's at the heart of my coaching, it's woven into my retreats, my courses, my podcast, and pretty much every conversation I have about personal growth.

But what exactly is emotional resilience?

Most of us have a general understanding of resilience. Typically, when we think about resilience we think about physical endurance, of pushing through, digging deep, having grit, using willpower, and standing strong against whatever life throws at us. And while those forms of resilience certainly have their place, emotional resilience is something entirely different.

In many ways, it's the opposite.

Where physical resilience asks us to harden ourselves against the elements, emotional resilience asks us to soften.

It asks us to stop fighting ourselves and invites us to offer ourselves permission instead of punishment, compassion instead of criticism, and forgiveness instead of shame, for the simple fact that we're human.

Unfortunately, many of us have been taught that emotional strength means keeping it together.

Don't cry.
Don't overreact.
Don't let them see you're upset.
Just move on.
Stay positive.
Push through.

But that's not emotional resilience, that's emotional suppression.

And while suppression might help you survive in the short term, it almost always comes with a cost. Because every emotion you deny is still part of you; every feeling you dismiss is still asking to be acknowledged. And every tear you refuse to cry doesn't disappear—it simply waits.

Emotional resilience is not about getting better at pushing your emotions down, it's about becoming safe enough to let them rise.

Sometimes emotional resilience looks like curling up on the floor and crying because that's exactly what your nervous system needs in that moment. Other times it looks like wiping away the tears, taking a deep breath, and walking out the door because that's what the moment calls for.

Neither response is inherently more resilient than the other.

The resilience comes from your flexibility, from your ability to ask yourself, "What do I need right now?" and then having the courage to honour the answer.

That's what emotional resilience really is.

It's the capacity to move with your emotions instead of constantly fighting against them. It's the ability to experience sadness without becoming sadness, to experience fear without allowing fear to run your life.

To experience anger without becoming destructive, and to experience joy without waiting for permission.

When we stop trying to eliminate our emotional experience, something remarkable happens. We become more authentic.

Like it or not, you have emotions, and you have an emotional layer of reality that belongs to you. Whether you acknowledge it or not doesn't change the fact that it's there. And the more you deny, dismiss, minimize, ignore, or repress your emotions, the more you're rejecting a part of yourself.

And that rejection hurts.

Your emotions are not weaknesses to overcome, they are valuable data.

The goal isn't to let your emotions make every decision for you. The goal is to learn how to listen to them without letting them drive the bus. Logic matters. Action matters. But between logic and action lies a space that many people skip over - and that's where your emotions live.

That space matters.

Because when you learn to understand your emotional landscape instead of fearing it, you gain access to wisdom that logic alone could never provide.

That's emotional resilience.

Not perfection. Not positivity. Not pretending everything is okay.

It's allowing every part of yourself to exist - including the messy middle where healing actually happens.

It's learning to work with your emotions instead of against them.

Because when you become emotionally resilient, you don't just empower yourself. You become someone who can hold space for others, you become calmer in conflict, more compassionate in relationships, more authentic in your decisions, and more present in your life.

And when you stop hiding parts of yourself, you unconsciously give other people permission to stop hiding too.

That's how we create ripple effects.

​That's how we build healthier families, healthier relationships, and healthier communities.

And that's how you shine your light so bright that you ignite the light in others.

People often assume I wrote this book because I'm a coach who teaches boundaries. But the truth is, I wrote it because there was a time when I desperately needed this book myself.

For years, I struggled with anxiety, depression, an eating disorder, people-pleasing, and a deep belief that something was fundamentally wrong with me. I spent decades trying to fix myself without ever realizing that the life I had created was built around fear, guilt, and the overwhelming need to keep everyone else happy.

Learning to set boundaries helped me learn Who I Am, and that changed everything. 

That's what inspired me to write this book.

Most books about boundaries focus on what to say and how to say it. They give you scripts, strategies, and permission to say no. While those things are valuable, and this book absolutely helps you with the language, I wanted to go deeper. Because boundaries aren't really about knowing what to say. They're about knowing Who You Are.

A boundary exists to protect something that is worth protecting. But before you can speak a boundary out loud, you have to know the person it's meant to protect: yourself. That's the key.

Then, instead of seeing boundaries as uncomfortable conversations or walls that keep people out, we can begin to see them as invitations to come home to ourselves. Every boundary becomes an opportunity to ask: What do I value? What matters to me? What kind of life am I trying to create?

As I began coaching others, I realized I wasn't alone. So many kind, caring, generous people were living the same way I had been—exhausted, resentful, overwhelmed, and convinced that saying no made them selfish. They didn't need better scripts. They needed a deeper relationship with themselves.

That's the conversation I want to change. When we use boundaries the way they were intended, they become so much more than a communication tool. They become a path of self-discovery, a practice of self-respect, and a deeply meaningful journey of healing.

I wrote this book because I wanted to give people more than the words to say. I wanted to help them discover the person those words are meant to protect. Because once you know Who You Are, your boundaries become a natural expression of a life lived with authenticity, courage, and self-respect.

If this book helps even one person realize they aren't broken—that they don't have to spend the rest of their life abandoning themselves to earn love or acceptance—then every word was worth writing. Because healing really can happen one person, and one boundary, at a time.

Walk into any bookstore and you'll find shelves full of books promising to teach you how to set boundaries.
They'll give you scripts.
Conversation starters.
Templates.

The perfect words to use when someone crosses the line.

And while those tools can certainly be helpful, I've always felt they miss something much deeper.
Because before you can decide what to say, you first have to know who is speaking.

That's the part we tend to skip.

Many of us have spent years becoming experts at performing versions of ourselves that kept us safe, earned approval, avoided conflict, or met everyone else's expectations. We become the peacekeeper. The people-pleaser. The achiever. The caretaker. The one who never complains.

Then one day someone tells us we need stronger boundaries. So we memorize a script.

"I can't do that."
"That doesn't work for me."
"I need you to respect my boundaries."

But something still feels... off.

Not because the words are wrong. Because we are speaking from an identity we haven't fully examined.

Who Are You Protecting?

Boundaries exist to protect something valuable. But what if you have never taken the time to discover what that "something" actually is?

If you don't know your values...
If you don't know your needs...
If you don't trust your emotions...

If you've spent decades disconnecting from yourself...

How do you know whether the boundaries you're setting are actually aligned with who you are?
Or whether they're simply protecting another version of yourself you've created to survive?

Ouch. 

That's why I believe the boundary itself is the final chapter—not the first.

Because healthy boundaries are the natural outcome of self-awareness.

The Real Journey

This means the journey isn't simply learning how to say no. It's much bigger than that.

First, you need to discover who you really are.

You need to learn to trust your thoughts instead of automatically questioning yourself.
You need to begin listening to your emotions instead of dismissing them.
You need to reconnect with your needs instead of believing everyone else's matter more.

You need to uncover the values that make you, you know — You.

And the more you find your authentic voice. The more you learn how to communicate honestly—with confidence, kindness, and compassion. Then, and only then, do boundaries become surprisingly simple.

Because they are no longer something you force yourself to say. They just become a natural expression of Who You Are.

It's Never Really Been About Boundaries
People often assume my book is about boundaries because it says it right in the title. Spoiler alert: it isn't.

I mean it is, but it isn't.

It's about becoming the kind of person who no longer needs scripts because they know themselves well enough to communicate authentically.

It's about bridging the gap between your head and your heart.
It's about building emotional resilience.
It's about learning to trust yourself.

It's about creating relationships where authenticity replaces performance.

Because here's what I know to be true:
Boundaries don't create authenticity. Authenticity creates boundaries.
​
And perhaps that's the greatest gift we can give ourselves—not learning the perfect words, but becoming someone who finally knows they're worth protecting.
​

A wasp, actually.

It had accidentally wandered into my bedroom and was being chased by both of my cats, Colby and Brie. So I got up, grabbed my shoe, and gave it a smack.

Done.

Now, you might be thinking, Big deal.

But for me, it was.

There was a time when I would have completely and utterly panicked, refusing to go back into the room until I had solid proof of a carcass. In fact, I distinctly remember locking my dad in my bedroom when I was 9 years old and refusing to go back in until he could prove he had killed the bee that had wandered inside.

Or the time I was working in a veterinary hospital and my boss came out of an exam room to find me shooting at the sink from about eight feet away with a bottle of cleaning sanitizer. She looked at me, looked at the sink (and the eight feet of soaking wet floor in between), and asked what I was doing.

"There was an earwig in the sink," I said.

She blinked, walked over, turned on the tap, washed the earwig down the drain, and casually walked back into her exam room.

It's funny now in hindsight, but at the time I was mortified.

Suffice it to say, me and bugs have a long history.

In fact, not many people know this, but what first got me into the work I do today was not to heal the anxiety, the depression, or the hopelessness I had felt about life. At that point, I was used to all of that. I'd been made to believe it would never get any better, so I had made peace with it. I wasn't really searching for help anymore.

But then all of the anxiety started coming out in strange, weird little ways.

Odd little habits.

Tapping.

Repetitions.

Rituals.

But I still carried on because I thought I had to.

Then the anxiety started manifesting as a phobia of bugs.

And it got bad.

Like, I started having a hard time leaving the house bad.

Like, friends would come over and sit on the patio while I stayed inside and talked to them through the screen door bad.

So I actually went to my coach (shout out to the awesome Vanessa Long! 💛) because of my phobia of insects.

And somehow, in that very first session, she nailed what 13 years of therapy and a degree in psychology had never even come close to.

She told me she could help me.

No one had ever said that to me before.

I didn't believe her.

Not for a second.

But I was out of options. I couldn't leave the house, and she was the first person who actually seemed to understand what was happening.

A few months later, not only was my phobia of insects gone, but so was the voice in my head that told me I wasn't good enough.

Wasn't worthy.

Wasn't lovable.

Was broken.

And yet here I am - stronger than before.

​So while today was "just" killing a bug, it was also a reminder of how far I have come. A reminder of the incredible capacity we all have to heal, even when we feel utterly broken.

Today, I am grateful for everyone who has been part of my healing journey.

And today, I'm even grateful for the little wasp...

Even if I did smack him with my shoe.

Your message was received.

I'm listening. 💛

Have you ever noticed that just when it feels like you’re finally starting to make progress toward your goals, something happens that derails your entire plan? Maybe an unexpected expense shows up, siphoning funds away from your dream vacation, or your car breaks down, leaving you stranded and unable to get to work.

Why does it always seem like just when we’re finally starting to hit our stride, something happens that knocks us off course?

Ugh.

While it might feel like the universe is conspiring against us, these seemingly random obstacles are actually just a natural part of how our brains handle change.

Our habits are controlled by a part of the brain known as the basal ganglia, which are deep neurological structures responsible for managing movement, routines, and decision-making.[i] The basal ganglia help transform our repetitive actions into automatic habits, so we don't have to constantly think about every little thing that we do. While this helps reduce our mental load, it can, unfortunately, make breaking a habit, changing our routine, or moving beyond the limits of our comfort zone a little tricky.

In his book The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Charles Duhigg explains that any time we try to change our routines, it creates something called cognitive dissonance, a feeling of discomfort that results when our actions are not in alignment with what our neurology is used to.[ii] In response, our unconscious mind starts looking for ways to pull us back inside our comfort zone to ease the tension.

Think of it like your car’s GPS system. When you’re following a familiar route, everything runs smoothly. But the moment you take an unexpected turn, your GPS immediately alerts you and recalculates to get you back on track. In the same way, as you start setting new boundaries and stepping outside your comfort zone, your brain’s warning system will inevitably kick in and start sending signals designed to redirect you back to what feels safe and familiar. When this happens, you might find yourself facing unexpected scheduling conflicts, relationship tensions, child care hiccups, technological glitches, or even minor health issues.

Remember that your neurology is processing nearly 11 million bits of information every single second. To help manage that massive influx of data, our brains have evolved to filter out anything new or unfamiliar, instead continuously shifting our awareness back to what feels familiar and known. This natural filtering process is critical for our survival, but it can also cause our brains to cling to old habits and routines, making it difficult to change them—even when it’s in our best interest.

Since anything outside our comfort zone is unfamiliar—and therefore unknown and potentially threatening to our neurology—any time we start to move beyond the edge of what feels familiar, our unconscious mind will begin projecting our doubts, worries, and fears onto the people and situations around us in an effort to distract us and pull us back into the safety of what we already know. And, much like everything else in nature, our minds will always seek the path of least resistance.

So, if an argument with your partner usually works to make you abandon your goals and retreat into the safety of your comfort zone, expect that pattern to resurface. Or if unexpected disruptions—like a sick child, a family emergency, or a crazy work schedule—often make you think, “Maybe now’s not the right time,” those situations are likely to come up again.

These familiar scenarios are your mind’s way of recalculating your route to bring you back to what’s known and predictable. Luckily, once you recognize what's going on, you can start to see these challenges and setbacks as the true boundary tests they are.

Each obstacle, though frustrating, offers a chance to strengthen your commitment to your new boundaries and realign with Who You Are and how you want to show up in the world. Just as you wouldn’t bail on a road trip because your GPS took a wrong turn, you can use these challenges as reminders to pause, check your direction, and make any necessary changes to get back on track and keep moving toward your goals.

So, when challenges inevitably arise and shit goes sideways—celebrate!

It means you are moving beyond the limits of your comfort zone and are on the brink of a something truly transformative.

Does it feel awful? Definitely.

Is it normal? Absolutely.

📚 If you enjoyed this excerpt from my book and want to go deeper, How To Set Boundaries (Without Feeling Like a D*ck) is now available on Amazon, Indigo, Barnes & Noble, and as an audiobook on all your favourite platforms 🎧

​​
​This is an excerpt from my book, How To Set Boundaries (Without Feeling Like a D*ck)—a guide for anyone ready to speak up, honour their needs, and feel more grounded in their relationships.

As embark on your boundary-setting journey, I want to share some general guidelines to help lay the groundwork for the deeper work ahead. These principles will provide a solid foundation and ensure you have the tools and mindset needed to create boundaries that truly reflect Who You Are.

Your Feelings Are Clues: Emotions like anger, rage, hurt, complaints, or feeling threatened, suffocated, or victimized can reveal areas in your life where healthier boundaries are needed. Anywhere you are feeling these emotions—pay attention. That’s where you need some better boundaries.

Embrace The Discomfort: When you first start to share your boundaries, you may feel weird, awkward, or unsure—and that’s totally okay! These emotions are just your unconscious mind’s way of letting you know that you are stepping outside your comfort zone and doing something new—which is a good thing, even if it feels a little strange.

Prioritize Your Needs: You cannot simultaneously set boundaries with someone and take care of their feelings. This is the one that keeps a lot of us stuck because we want to control how others feel and what is happening inside their circle. When you set a boundary, the other person may feel hurt, angry, or disappointed—and that’s totally okay.

Remember, speaking up will likely require the other person to adjust their boundaries and move outside their comfort zone too.

Protect Your Privacy: No one can demand to know your thoughts or private business. Share what feels right to you, not what others expect. This is a big one for many of us who feel the need to unload every thought and emotion onto others in order to feel close to them.

Remember: you can be authentic and still have discernment and discretion.

Honor Your Individuality: Nobody has the right to tell you what to think, feel, or do—you have a right to your thoughts, feelings, values, and beliefs. Anything within your circle is yours and yours alone. Other people not liking or agreeing with it does not make it any less yours or valid.

Be Authentically You: You have the right to be Who You Are and live your life on your terms—as long as you do so with compassion and respect for others. Let go of guilt for not meeting others' expectations. Just as you can’t control the circles’ of other people, they can’t control yours.

Accept Your Imperfections: You have the right to your imperfections and shortcomings without guilt. You are allowed to be human and perfection is never the goal.

Accept Yourself: Who You Are is entirely acceptable, just as you are now with whatever sensations, thoughts, and feelings you are experiencing.

Your Personal Playbookmight not be an expert in football, I do know that a team’s success hinges not just on individual talent, but on how well everyone understands and executes their roles. This is where the team playbook comes in.

A playbook outlines strategies, defines each player’s responsibilities, and provides plans for different game scenarios; it ensures that every player knows their position and how they contribute to the overall team effort. Without a playbook, the team would be disorganized, players would be unsure of their roles, and the game would be chaos.

Now, think of your life as a football game and yourself as both the coach and the player. Your internal boundaries are like your own personal playbook. Just as a playbook provides structure and direction to a football team, your internal boundaries give structure and direction to your life; they define your values, needs, and limits, allowing you to be able to navigate whatever life throws at you.

For example, a playbook helps the quarterback know when to pass, run, or hand off the ball, depending on the defense they face. Similarly, your internal boundaries can help you decide when to say yes or no, when to push forward, or when to step back, depending on the challenges you encounter. These internal boundaries ensure that you stay aligned with your true self, making choices that reflect your values and protect Who You Are.

So, what goes into your life playbook? What standards and guidelines can you set to make sure Who You Are is how you show up in the world? The beauty of it is that you get to decide!

Your internal boundaries are a reflection of your own unique values, needs, and priorities which means they are one hundred percent in your realm of control and fully up to you.

Think about what’s most important to you. What values do you hold dear? What are your non-negotiables? These elements form the foundation of your internal boundaries. For instance, consider how you manage your time and energy. Do you allow yourself enough rest and self-care? Do you set limits on how much of yourself you give to others?

Knowing the answers to these questions is an important part of honoring Who You Are.
​